ARTICLES: fertile ground
Articles by Penelope Brackett
HOUSEKEEPER-IN-TRAINING
March 1998I'm a housekeeper-in-training...
Recently, I've spent lots of time in people's homes crawling around on all fours, peering around corners and over couches. It's not as a private detective or something more exotic that I've been so engaged. "Peek-a-boo" and "I'm going to get you" has given me an excellent vantagepoint to compare the cleanliness and order of others' homes to mine. (For you children deprived, these are the stuff of rotating playdates).
I found myself blurting out several times a day about "what a slob" I was. I made jokes about the difficulty of keeping a clean home between the housekeeper's Fridays. I joked about my friend's perpetual sponging. It was survival. I didn't enjoy the state of my house. (I do feel a need to reassure you, there weren't half eaten pizza crusts, just shoes, toys, paper, books, dishes...) I just didn't feel capable of having it the way I really wanted it. So, humor seemed my best bet.
Then, it occurred to me. This defense had outlived it's usefulness. It was actually holding me back. Having a ten-month-old had cer-tainly upped the degree of difficulty. But now, what I wanted was a beautifully ordered, clean home. So, my first step was to say it was possible, to let go of the derogatory comments and actually start watching my "sponge in hand" friend for clues.
Some of you are amazed that this is the topic of this article and are wondering what the hell this has to do with you. Well, this is it. Language is powerful. My epiphany came from an awareness of my own derogatory comments and those around me. How many times during the day, did I hear some humorous admission of guilt about: weight, cooking, writing, sense of direction, money mothering? How many times have I heard, "I can't do phone calls.I'm not good at asking people for things." I was amazed how much I heard a general "I'm so bad" following these specific confessions. The thing was, like me, the "badness" was often accompanied by some glee. But, I realized through my "housekeeping badness" that it was often in an attempt to forgive ourselves that this humor was employed. But underneath all that, we would have preferred to be "good" at it. So, that's it. Keep the laughter, but throw out the certainty that keeps you from developing.
I'm no longer a bad housekeeper. I'm a housekeeper-in-training. Before I sat down at the computer, I chipped away four inches of ice from my freezer compartment (an apt metaphor). My challenge to you is to stop saying you're bad at what you'd like to be good at. Stop making fun of your friends and others who are good at it. Instead, find yourself a model and become a good student. Get yourself in training.
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